The Frankenstein Chef

The Frankenstein Chef Makes Banana Bread

I am your average cook.  I make enough to feed my family.  The food is usually ok, occasionally quite good.  But my family is happy.  I enjoy the process of cooking rarely.  Most of the time I dread it… minus baking.  I do enjoy baking.  But overall, in the realm of household duties, I’d rather clean than cook.

But when I do cook, my M.O. usually follows this sequence:

  1. Find a recipe that meets either what I have on hand, or what I feel like having.
  2. See if the recipe looks good and seems to have ingredients I have.  (Notice here, the word “seems”.)
  3. Get started.
  4. Realize I don’t have an ingredient it called for.
  5. Substitute.
  6. Keep going.
  7. Realize I don’t have two other ingredients it calls for.
  8. Substitute.
  9. Add an ingredient at the wrong time.
  10. Here I have two options.  If I’m cooking, I usually don’t sweat it; if I’m baking, I may try to get that precocious ingredient out.  On the other hand, some ingredients can’t be retrieved… like eggs, or applesauce.
  11. Keep going.
  12. On it goes until I’m done.

You get the idea.  And I frequently only end up using half or less of the original ingredients the recipe called for.  The funny thing is, it usually works.

So tonight I made banana bread and as I was describing how I made it to my husband, he laughed at me in disbelief (sort of… he’s pretty used to it by now) and said if I had a cooking show it would be called “The Frankenstein Chef”!  My brain started rolling and I thought of all the laughs I would get if I had someone videotaping me cooking and I actually said all the things I think as I go.

Cut to taped cooking sequence….

While making the banana bread (that I didn’t have enough bananas for), I realized I didn’t have enough white sugar.  So I used some brown sugar.  But I didn’t have enough of that either.  So I used some applesauce.  Well, that was ok, because really I wanted to use applesauce in my banana bread anyway.  I just hadn’t found a recipe that I liked that included applesauce.  And besides, I didn’t have enough bananas, so the applesauce would also serve to add more wet ingredient.  I’ll need to adjust the amount of sour cream so it’s not too wet.  Since I was adding the applesauce in as a sweetener substitute, I put it in with the rest of the sugar.


I was supposed to cream the butter with the sugar.  There’s no way you can cream the butter with applesauce.

But I’ll try it anyway!

I was right!  It didn’t work.  But that’s ok because it’s not like I’m baking cookies or even a cake that needs a very specific consistency to have a good texture or form.  It’s just bread.  It’ll just melt in the oven and cook in with the batter.  It should be fine!

One of the reasons I picked this recipe was because it included sour cream.  It sounded like a good addition.


I opened the refrigerator to discover I didn’t have any sour cream.  But, hey!  I have Greek Yogurt.  Perfect substitute.

Everyone loved the banana bread.  So who’s to complain?

By the way, my husband also reminded me of probably one of my most classic crazy substitutions.  Flavored coffee creamer instead of milk in homemade macaroni and cheese (that had a total of 11 ingredients, and I only used 2 that were exactly what the recipe called for).  Well, I asked, was it good?  It was pretty tasty, he admits.  So what’s the problem?! 😉


One Response to “The Frankenstein Chef”

  1. Christal Says:

    That was funny. 🙂

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