Mirrors Reflecting 4 Versions of Me

My focus for as long as I can remember, has been on details of life.  Schedule, agendas, goals and accomplishments.  My intention towards my children has been that they would love God, for sure, but I think I have been more focused on giving them a home, or environment, where they can soak up God’s presence in their lives, rather than focusing my instruction on training them in the ways of God.  My focus of instruction has been geared toward their outward behavior more than their hearts.  My measure of success has been based on how much inconvenience they cause, or how much delight they bring.  I see now, how focused I am, even in parenting, on me.

Is it any wonder, then, that my children – 4 little mirrors of me – are easily offended? easily angered? quick to criticize? eager only to be done? not content to enjoy the moment, but always looking for the next thing?

I am desperately in need of a new vision.  I am in need of a makeover.  I have become stale in my pursuit of You, God, because like Martha, I was content to make myself feel good – justified even – by accomplishing a task rather than knowing You.  I found happiness and a measure of peace being busy.

But as I look in my God-given mirrors: I see the real result of my busy-ness.  I have not accomplished order and peace.  I have sown busy work.  Not always directed by You.  And I have reaped hearts that won’t listen.  I have sown my goals at almost any cost, and have reaped hearts that think only about what they want.  I have sown an attitude that is satisfied by achieving a goal and have reaped hearts that are so absorbed by the goal that they fail to thrive in the process.

God, help me to be.  Just be.  Help me to live in the moment and guide my children to do the same.  I am an infant in this mindset.  Have mercy on me!  Remind me constantly throughout the day to just be.  Don’t tire of the repetition, because I know the tendencies of my heart, and I’ll forget and get carried away again!  I am like a child!  I need you to be my external reminder until my soul is well-trained.

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One Response to “Mirrors Reflecting 4 Versions of Me”

  1. Wow, that’s really good, Charlotte.

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