I just found this among some stuff I had written years ago. Thought it might encourage someone, so I am posting it here:
I have the tendency to have huge dreams for my future, and the audacity to believe they will actually come true.
I am a person who can be inspired by things I see and hear, assimilate them into my mindset and philosophy, make it a part of my vision, mull over the vision and begin to see a path to follow so that I can see that dream become reality, and then put myself to the task to see it through. In fact, I am so project completion oriented, that I joke my husband would be calling me back from plunging toward a cliff and I would yell back, “I have to finish what I started!”
I considered being an astronaut and a ballerina when I was very young. The thought of traveling to the moon was (and still is!) an exhilarating thought, and I loved to dance, and believed that if I could dance gracefully and poetically like a ballerina, I would have the beauty of one as well. I decided to be a writer at an early age, so I could tell all the stories swirling around in my very imaginative mind. As I got older, my dreams became more refined: I wanted to be a Christian music star! I dreamed of traveling to lands across the world, and being immersed in various cultures, seeing beauty and the exotic in everything I beheld. I dreamed of being rich and living in a castle. I dreamed of being poor and having the only weight of responsibility be that I follow my heart and God’s plan for my day. I dreamed of being a photographer that required me to go to the deepest, most beautiful and untouched parts of the world, and that somehow my allergic reaction to mosquitoes would not be a factor in the jungles, and I would never come across a snake or alligator. You may laugh, but this is the reality of my world… I am full of dreams, and I am determined that God could make anything happen!
I went through a bit of shell shock when I married my husband and found that his dreams were not exactly like mine. He loved music, but didn’t feel called to be a musician. He is open to travel, but preferred to build up his life in one place and not be continually on the move. I questioned for a few years why God had wanted me to marry this man and relinquish my dreams, for it did not seem that I could have both. I finally came to the assurance that I had heard God correctly to marry him, and determined to trust God with the rest though I did not understand why God would have filled my heart with dreams only to live an uneventful life.
After I had my first child, I was brimming with the joy and ecstasy of being part of a new life that had previously not existed, and was now here as a result of both my husband and I. A perfectly beautiful and wonderful child that could never destroy my love and good thoughts towards him no matter what terrible things he did. After a while, however, it became even more apparent that any strand of hope I was still clinging to of seeing my dreams fulfilled had now been completely stripped away. I could never leave my child in the care of someone else so that I could pursue my dreams with the focus it would require. I loved my husband and my son too much to push them to the side.
It wasn’t until after I had my third son that I remember talking to my mom matter-of-factly about not having the life I had always dreamed of. I told her, “I know you always felt called to be a mom, and had the greatest fulfillment in seeing me and my sisters grow up as you taught us the things that were closest to your heart. I’ve always appreciated that. But I don’t feel called to be a mom. I’ve always felt called to do other things… things that I can’t see doing now that I am a mom. I’ve had to grieve the loss of my calling.”
She looked at straight at me and under the authority of the Holy Spirit spoke words that changed my life. “Charlotte, you are called to be a mom. You are a mom, and therefore, God has called you to be a mom. You are a wife, and therefore, God has called you to be a wife. You do have a calling to be a mom. Perhaps you never felt that call before, but because you are now in this role, this is what God is calling you to.”
I was suddenly filled with such hope and purpose. I’ve always wanted to live the life God called me to. And I had been going through my days feeling such a deep love and also a sense of duty toward my husband and children – deep enough that I never wanted to shirk it, though it meant to the loss of the ultimate fulfillment of most of the dreams I’d had. But while I felt so strongly toward my family, I felt grieved that I wasn’t doing the things God had called me to in my teenage years. I felt that in a way, I had failed myself and God because I’d given up those things to have a husband and family… something I would not want to give up because they were so wonderful, but still something that I hadn’t heard God call me to.
When my mom told me that God called me to be a wife and mom because I was a wife and mother, I felt such a release of freedom to move into that role fully and trust that God’s timing was perfect for every dream and calling He’d given me. I could suddenly see the point of putting my entire self into being a mother and teaching my children to pursue God with everything in them so that they would be prepared for the incredible lives God called them to.
And I also realized that God was big enough to make my dreams come true at any point in my life, and I wasn’t kicked out of the game because I hadn’t done those things in my youth.
As you embark on the journey of parenthood, I know that your heart yearns to see God’s best fulfilled in the life of your child. Let me speak this word prophetically into your life as it was spoken into mine: God has placed a specific call on your life to be a mother. You are called to be a mom. No matter what your life has consisted of before coming to this place in your life, the destiny God has for you is to be a mother who leads her children into God’s truth and love. Your children depend on you to walk out this incredible calling.